Tonight (yesterday, rather) marks one more week until freshman year is over. One more week until I’m off for summer. One more week until finals are complete. One more week until I move out of my wonderful dorm.
I am most definitely NOT the person I was when I started this year. I left home with people I have grown up with in school since my younger years, a slew of new camp co-worker soulmates, and of course everyone from my second home in BBYO. I left with a boyfriend back home. I left with my mom recovering from breast cancer and going through radiation treatments. I left Porter Ranch in a time of craziness, but it turned out to be by far the best year of my life.
At the beginning of the year, I just wanted to be that social butterfly of a girl who knew everyone. But rather than making great and wonderful relationships, I just sought to please everyone around me. I no longer feel that I have to be friends with people that don’t reciprocate…people that make you feel that you constantly have to be something you’re not. I’m better than that and deserve to feel like I matter. If it’s one thing that I take away from all that has happened, is to surround myself with friends that make me feel like I’m at home. Like I have a second family. Spring Quarter changed everything. I have found this in amazing people, and things are way too good.
The second thing I will probably take away is time management skills. I recognize it, but really still have this constant need to work at it. I may seem psycho, but I’m going for that 4.0 GPA Sophomore year. It will not be a walk in the park, but if I managed in the past, I aspire to do the same today.
But enough about actual school. That stuff is not my friend right now.
I streaked, climbed a mountain at 3am to see the sunrise, cut my hair off, line-danced, became a WOW leader, rushed for a sorority, got a job, planned events, became social chair for Hillel board, pulled all-nighters in the library, had tons and tons of heart to heart talks, gave speeches, learned to beatbox, snuck into hotel jacuzzi’s, hiked in the rain, slacklined, sat in a coffee shop for a day, went to a frat parties, learned to sail in Morro Bay, went to Farmers Markets, went on an undie run, created tape art, dressed as a bro, rushed the field at a soccer game, and a year’s worth of other adventures. If that’s not college, I don’t know what is.
I’m the type that’s reluctant about change, and big changes are going to be made throughout the summer and going into the next school year. I’m scared yet excited. I don’t want to think about it. Living in the now. There are many things that have been really, really bothering me the past few months. But they have been overshadowed by kick-ass times and inner happiness. And really, thats all I can ask for.
I should be asleep right now, I have to be up at 8am. But bittersweet feelings like this are worth ranting about. I’m a firm believer of expressing what you feel in the very moment you are living in. I live for now.
